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Dear Sexpert: My girlfriend really likes the idea of having sex in public places. We have a hard time talking about it because she gets upset that I won’t “play along.” How can I approach the subject without making her feel like I am boring or judgmental? I don’t mind that she likes the idea, but I don’t feel comfortable actually doing it. I am afraid if I do it once, she will think I am okay with it all the time, but I’m also afraid that if I never do it, she will leave me.—Anti-PDA

Dear Anti-PDA: Sex can easily become a constant battle of wills. Are you pleasing your partner? Are you being pleased at the same time (or soon thereafter)? How do you please a partner without doing something that you don’t want to do? This is where things can get tricky. Different sexual interests, appetites, or styles can cause serious rifts in a relationship.

If you don’t like having sex in public, you shouldn’t do it. If your girl likes to, she should. But how does that work if you’re only having sex with each other? That takes compromise, my friend—communication and compromise. Talk to her. You might want to discuss what bothers you about having sex in public and what it is about it that turns her on. Is there a way to address your concerns and her desire while making you both happy? For some people, this may be a deal breaker; others may find a compromise they can live with it. But if you can’t deal, keep searching for the partner (or partners) who match your sexual style. And of course, Anti-PDA, take safe sex with you on your quest.—Sexpert